Self-Help Archives • Blog | Found and Sons Funeral Chapels & Cremation Service

5 Ways To Help A Loved One Struggling With Loss

Losing a loved one changes your life forever. When someone you love has recently suffered a loss, you may not know how to offer comfort. This article highlights five ways to help a loved one struggling with loss.

1. Listen, don’t relate.

Sometimes the best thing you can offer someone struggling with loss is your ear. You should assure the person that you will listen if they ever want to talk. Do not force them or nudge them to talk. Instead, just assure them that you will listen.

When listening to them, do not try to relate to their experience. It is important to remember that everyone does not process loss in the same manner. So, when you listen, be impartial, empathetic, and kind.

2. Respect the person’s process.

There isn’t any right or wrong way to process grief. Some people grieve by remembering the good times they have spent with their loved ones. Others grieve by making gestures or openly talking. Throughout this, it is important to support and respect them.

Do not tell them they “should grieve” by doing something, such as visiting their grave, going to therapy, or any other method. Instead, respect them to understand what they want and give help every time they ask.

3. Do not pepper them with questions.

When you ask, “how are you?” they won’t always say, “I am not fine.” Instead, ask, “how are you feeling today” or “how are you feeling right now”? Accept their response, and do not pressure them to elaborate if they do not wish to.

Sometimes, your loved one may give the same answer to every question, or they may deflect it. If this happens, do not get upset. Instead, listen patiently and compassionately.

4. Give space and stay connected.

Sometimes your loved one may want to spend some time alone to process their feelings or memories. Adapting to normal life after suffering a loss is difficult. Therefore, allow them this space but stay connected.

Find a way to communicate that helps you keep in touch but gives them their space. For example, some people may find comfort in a simple text message, while others would want you to drop in. Find a method of communication that they are most comfortable with.

5. Offer assistance.

Sometimes when a loved one struggles with loss, everyday chores can become difficult. Instead of waiting for them to ask for help, ask them whether you can do any chores for them.

Planning a funeral can be a difficult task to manage when grieving. Offer your assistance in planning the funeral. If they refuse, offer assistance doing other household chores so that they can focus on making funeral arrangements. For example, you can offer to take care of their pets, do laundry, or grocery shopping. Simple chores like these can feel overwhelming.

If you want to know more ways you can help your loved one struggling with a loss, contact our experts at Found and Sons. Our expertise and insights can help you support your loved one through a difficult time.

How to Manage Grief During the Holidays

When a loved one passes away, the hole in your heart that developed as a result of that person’s absence becomes substantially more noticeable around the holidays. You may feel unable to process the holiday joy happening all around you and feel guilty if you do start to enjoy yourself. Intellectually, you know that your dearly departed would want you to enjoy yourself, but emotionally you can’t snap out of the sadness and loss. This year, use these tips to help you manage grief during the holidays healthily and respectfully.

1. Incorporate the Loved One Into the Celebrations

When someone moves on, they don’t leave our hearts and minds. Feel free to casually, and in a celebratory and positive manner, talk about the deceased at appropriate times. Also, if you had holiday traditions with your loved one, you should maintain those traditions to hold on to their memory.

Humorous stories and looking at old pictures can give you the chance to look back at the joyful moments you shared fondly.

Read the room as you talk to ensure that you aren’t causing anyone to feel old wounds again, especially if it was a recent loss. If you notice everyone appears comfortable, you can continue as you deem appropriate.

2. Express Yourself

It’s not healthy to keep your grief, loneliness, and cynicism inside of yourself boiling up to the point that it explodes.

Productively express any influx of emotions. You can write your feelings down in a diary, write a song, paint a picture, or just let yourself cry. When you express your feelings, it releases them from inside of you. Many people feel a sense of relief or a weight removed from their shoulders. Without the heavy emotional baggage, you can allow yourself to replace those negative feelings with new, positive ones.

3. Establish a Support System

You probably aren’t the only person missing someone this holiday.

Talk to the people around you to find people who can offer emotional support. If possible, create a support system out of people who also loved the same person you did so that you can share stories and relate to each other.

Not all of us have the best support system built into the people around us. If that’s the case for you, you can find support in the form of a support group or therapy. Professional grief counselors can teach you specific methods on how to deal with your grief and prescribe medication if the situation caused a hormonal imbalance.

You are not alone. Found and Sons Funeral Chapels Cremation Service offers grief and healing services to help you get through the holiday season.

Contact a professional counselor today for more information on all of our services, including funeral services and cremation. Taking care of the details will give you more time to celebrate your loved one this holiday season.

WHEN THE PARENT BECOMES THE CHILD

There is good news to share on the current health of our country: Americans are living longer than ever before. With that news comes a caveat, in that longer life spans confront us with new, and often daunting, challenges…especially when it comes to caring for an aging family member.

Sometimes, crisis strikes suddenly and responsibility for a loved one is thrust onto your shoulders. Your mother falls and breaks a hip. Dad experiences a side effect of his medication. Other times, the weight of becoming a caregiver comes gradually giving you time to plan and make arrangements for your parents. When this happens, what do you do? What steps can you take? As we watch our parents age and face the challenges that inevitably follow, there are four steps that our team at Found and Sons Funeral Chapels & Cremation Service recommend our neighbors in Culpeper and Fredericksburg take to prepare for your family.

Arm yourself with knowledge.

Today, we have the astounding advantage of the Internet and the wealth of information that it can pour right onto our desktop. Sites like Aging Parents and Elder Care offer enormous amounts of excellent information about problems your parents may encounter.

Watch for warning signs.

Keep an eye out for early symptoms like difficulty walking, unsteadiness, or falling. Often, older people neglect their grooming and hygiene, lose their appetite, or change their eating habits. They may begin to leave spoiled food in the refrigerator or unopened mail on the table. Forgetfulness can lead to mishandling of medication, which can lead to additional, more dangerous complications.

Assess the situation.

What challenge is your loved one facing? How will you address the problems? Some of the issues may be correctable. Elderly people often take several types of drugs that can interact negatively and cause damage. You can look up information on prescription drug interactions, but always contact a doctor if you have serious concerns about medication.

Aging loved ones are also susceptible to vitamin deficiencies, which can cause symptoms similar to age dementia. Consult a doctor to test for deficiencies and to learn if they can be resolved by changes in medication or routine. Unfortunately, many problems are a natural consequence of aging and not easily corrected and you will need to decide what kind of assistance your loved one needs. Think carefully about living arrangements, whether the person can remain in his or her own home, or if you must take the jarring step of moving to a facility.

Prepare before the problem.

While some elderly people have the wisdom to make plans for their inevitable health and living problems, others may not. It is all too common for a person in declining health to deny the situation, and not provide the documents and other information you will need. It may be a difficult conversation to have, but you should ask your parents about their wishes, medical history, and financial history so that you can help them receive the best care down the road. You can also take steps to help them preplan and save for their funeral service, so you both have one less thing to worry about. Furthermore, many adults with aging parents never see the inside of an assisted living facility until a parent needs one and there is little time to consider options. It’s always better to do preemptive research about resources here in Culpeper County, to ensure you’re informed when facing a decision.

The biggest challenge when you switch roles and become the caregiver for your parent is to provide the type of care and compassion they require while still maintaining a life of your own. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. We are always available to assist you with questions or concerns about how to best care for your loved one. You are welcome to visit us at our location in Culpeper or Fredericksburg to discuss preplanning a funeral service with your loved ones, keeping them involved and ensuring their final wishes are seen through.

Tips to Calm Your Mind and Body for Better Sleep While Grieving

We all need sleep to stay healthy, but when you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, it’s normal to have a hard time sleeping. Even though this is a common struggle, there are things you can do to get the shut-eye you need. Taking control of your bedtime routine and environment can make a tremendous difference and help you get a more restful night’s sleep.

Switch Up Your Sleep Space

Your sleep environment plays a key role in how well you sleep. This is especially true if you have lost your spouse, but it really applies to anyone. The space where you live often reflects your emotions, but the opposite is also true. When you make your home, and especially your bedroom, a serene space, it can make you feel more calm and uplifted.

If this isn’t the feeling you get from your bedroom, it may be time switch things up. The Huffington Post recommends decorating with a cool color palette, such as light blues, greens, and gray because these colors make you feel more relaxed. The right light is key to relaxation and sleep, too. Instead of using an overhead light fixture, get a bedside lamp so you can keep the light low before you go to bed.

You also need to be as comfortable as possible, so think about any issues that might be keeping you up, such as a too-warm temperature or dry air. Adding a humidifier to your bedroom will help moisturize the air, which is especially important in the winter when it’s dryer. A humidifier can also soothe your skin and nasal passages, making it easier to sleep more comfortably. For optimal performance, make sure you replace your humidifier’s filters regularly. Your bed needs to be comfy, too. Start by making sure you have the right mattress. Many people don’t realize that their sleep position affects the type of mattress they should be sleeping on, or that their grief can cause physical symptoms such as back pain, which can have a direct impact on sleep quality. If you haven’t been sleeping well due to back pain since the loss of your loved one, experts recommend opting for a memory foam mattress, which will help cradle your spine, allowing your body and mind to relax.

Calm Your Mind and Body

Once you have a comfortable and calm sleep environment, focus on your bedtime routine and ways to relax and unwind. Set a regular time for going to bed and getting up every day. Setting a sleep schedule may seem hard when you’re already struggling to sleep, but once it becomes a habit, your body will get used to the schedule, and your natural circadian rhythm will make it easier to fall and stay asleep.

Then, create a pre-bedtime routine that helps you decompress from the day. Some people like reading, listening to music or taking a warm bath before bed. These are all great ways to clear your mind and steer your focus away from anything that’s troubling you. To be even more intentional about relaxation, Very Well Health recommends using meditation or prayer (or both) right before going to sleep.

While your bedtime routine should include elements that are calming and help you get more restful sleep, also be mindful of avoiding things that can keep you up. Don’t use electronics too close to bedtime, and especially not in your bedroom. The light from mobile devices interferes with your natural sleep rhythms, making your brain think it’s time to be awake. Certain foods and drinks can interfere with sleep, too. Avoid anything that contains caffeine (including hidden sources, like chocolate), alcohol, and foods that are very acidic or high in fat.

Give Smart Sleep Gadgets a Try

You want to avoid using electronics with screens before bed, but some electronic gadgets that are designed specifically for sleep can actually help. We like gadgets that promote more restful sleep by providing soothing sounds and light at night. Even better, some also track your sleep patterns, giving you information that makes it easier to adjust things that may be keeping you up.

Loss of sleep while grieving is absolutely normal, and it can be even more pronounced if you’ve lost your spouse. These tips for getting more restful sleep will hopefully help you through that adjustment.

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