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Lessons The Seasons Changing Can Teach Us About Grief

#1: Death is a completely normal part of life

When you look around during winter time, you see death everywhere. Bare trees, animals buried deep in hibernation, and the white snow begins covering everything. As we have learned through the seasons things die but we know that they are reborn into new life. This cycle of life for all of us is natural and we just try to remind ourselves during the worst times, that the winter will end and spring will bring new life.

#2: Resourcing ourselves for gloomier days ahead is natural

When winter is approaching, animals and humans everywhere gather their harvests and store it for the dark, grimmer days to come. We know that the death of the many forms of life that nourish us is coming, and we resource ourselves for it. During darker days we learn to retreat, but the seasons teach us, this too shall pass.

#3: Grief is real, but it will always change forms

When we see the seasons change like we are about too, we see how all the shapes and forms of the cycle. Grief changes forms too. In the beginning, grief might feel like it’s impossible to move past, unable to function. And you might wish that your grief will just go away. Like a leaf falling from a tree, it will die and compost, and it will bring new life.

#4: From our pain and loss, new life can also form

As winter ends and spring approaches, we see that in grief, life can be reborn. This cycle of life for us is natural and we learn that pain and loss can be transformed. This may be hard to think of at the worst and painful time of losing a loved one, but remember their life and let that memory change its form.

For guidance in this difficult time, please reach out to Found and Sons,

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What To Do On The One-Year Anniversary Of A Loved One’s Death

Death anniversaries can be difficult, especially the first year after a loss. It may be challenging figuring out how to mark the occasion while dealing with the grief and pain it brings. But looking for ways to keep your loved one’s memory alive can be a healing part of your grief journey. Here are some ideas to help you mark the one-year anniversary of your loved one’s death in a way that honors their memory.

1. A Special Meal

Hosting a meal to honor your loved one is a nice way to bring people together. It can offer them comfort and support. Making your loved one’s favorite meal or cuisine can be meaningful. A potluck is one idea that will allow everyone to pitch in, and not have too much responsibility rest on one person on such a difficult day. Having a theme that has something to do with your loved one’s favorite food, restaurant, or holiday can be a nice way to honor them with others who loved them.

2. Revisit a Special Place

Visiting one of your loved one’s favorite spots, or a spot that was meaningful to both of you, can be a special way to honor their memory. This does not need to be a destination or vacation spot, although it absolutely can be. It can be as simple as a park, a restaurant, café, or trail. Bringing a journal and jotting down memories and feelings can be a helpful tool as emotions come up on this difficult day.

3. Do Good in Their Name

One way you can honor a loved one’s memory on this anniversary is by doing something charitable in their name. If your loved one was passionate about a particular charity or cause, finding a volunteer event in that area or raising funds for that group can be a great way to commemorate the day. Or, you can look for a way to give back to the local community they loved. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or local food pantry in their honor. Another idea is to organize a run or walk in their memory. If your loved one was taken by a disease, it could be a run or walk fundraiser to raise money for awareness or to fund research related to that particular disease.

4. Plant a Memorial Tree

If the person you are honoring loved the outdoors, nature, or gardening, planting a memorial tree can be a special way to celebrate their life and honor their memory. There are even companies that offer eco-friendly urns that can be planted with your special tree. Invite loved ones to attend a memorial tree planting ceremony on this one year anniversary. People can share memories, stories, and all lend a hand in planting the tree.

5. Create a Memory Book with Photos

A nice way to mark the anniversary of a loved one’s death is to create a memory book with photos. You can ask family and friends to contribute some favorite photos of your loved one. With many online photo sites, you can produce multiple copies of a photo book, making a special keepsake for all the friends and family involved.

6. Visit Your Loved One’s Final Resting Place

Taking a visit with family and friends to your loved one’s final resting place is a meaningful way to pay respects. When visiting a gravesite you can bring flowers and have each person with you say a few words. If your loved one was cremated and their ashes were scattered at a special location, you can visit the site together. If possible, you could bring a picnic and share your favorite stories and memories of your loved one.

7. Light a Memorial Candle

Lighting a candle in honor of a loved one is a special way to commemorate the anniversary of their passing. Candles can invoke a sense of calm, and can be a metaphor, symbolizing the memory of your loved one burning bright. Additionally, you can say a prayer, have a moment of silence while reflecting on what the person meant to you, or share this ritual with loved ones. If your loved one had a favorite scent, you could use a scented candle that reminds you of them.

There is no right or wrong way to commemorate the one-year anniversary of a loved one’s death. You may just need a day to stay peaceful and practice self-care. It can be a painful day, so make sure you seek out needed support. Do not push yourself beyond what you are ready for. Choose an activity that sounds the most meaningful to you, and one that you feel comfortable doing. Then you can have peace knowing you are spending this anniversary in a way that feels right to you. If you feel alone or isolated, there are many resources available to help you through this hard day. Visit Found and Sons’ Grief & Healing page for online support resources, and access to grief education with our Executive Counseling Director, Dr. Virginia Simpson.

Funeral Etiquette

When attending a funeral, being aware of proper funeral etiquette will help you to navigate the event in a way that conveys respect and care. Following these etiquette guidelines will also help you feel the most comfortable and allow you to offer the most support to those grieving at the funeral you are attending.

Attire Etiquette

While black is traditionally the most common color to wear to funerals, there are other options for traditional funerals. Neutral colors are also acceptable, such as gray, dark blue, or brown. Children generally do not wear black, but can wear one of these neutral, or muted colors.

You will also want to take the family’s religious and cultural customs into consideration. In certain cultures, bright colors are both acceptable and common. The family may actually request that people wear certain colors, such as the favorite color of the deceased.

In most cases, it is not appropriate to wear a hat, or athletic shoes. Jewelry and accessories should be kept minimal and tasteful. The main idea is not to wear anything that will draw a lot of attention to yourself. The way you dress for a funeral should be understated and tasteful to convey respect.

Important Notes for Arrival

It is very important to be on time and enter the funeral location quietly. If you must arrive late, it is important to wait until the processional has begun to enter. If possible, it is best to enter from the side aisles, not the center aisle. Seats toward the front are reserved for close family and friends, so this should be taken into consideration when choosing where to sit.

Phone Usage

It is important to completely silence or turn off cell phones or devices which might make noise during the service. Phones should also remain out of sight during the service. Being present and giving eye contact to those speaking during a funeral conveys respect. Photos should not be taken during a funeral service. It is appropriate to take photos after the funeral, outside of the service, but it is important to be mindful of those grieving who may be around you.

Children

A common question is whether to bring children to a funeral. The first thing to consider is whether the child will be comfortable attending. The child’s age and temperament should be taken into consideration. Younger children who may have trouble sitting still and staying quiet should probably not attend a funeral service. Some families choose to bring a babysitter to watch children in another room, so that they can then participate in any post-funeral activities.

Older children who attend should sit closest to those they feel most comfortable with, such as a parent who can comfort them.

Comforting the Mourning

Two rules for comforting those mourning is to acknowledge their pain, and to keep it short and simple when offering words of condolence. Show care without trying to put yourself in their shoes. People deal with grief in many different ways, so never say, “I know how you feel.” Instead, you could say, “This must be really hard.” It is also nice to share what the deceased meant to you personally. Sharing a short, fond memory can be a comfort to those grieving. It is important to take your cue from the mourning. If they are at a place where they are sharing memories, smiling, and laughing, then it would be appropriate to share light or humorous stories. If the grieving are visibly hurting, short words of comfort and support are preferable.

Flowers & Gifts

Sending flowers to the loved ones of the deceased can be a wonderful way to express sympathy. The most appropriate place to send the flowers is to the recipient’s home. Generally, the family will decide on flowers for the funeral service. There can be exceptions to this, as sometimes family appreciates additional arrangements to help beautify the church or space where the funeral is being held. If you are unsure, send them directly to the recipient’s home. Sending flowers can also be an especially nice gesture if you are unable to attend the funeral. Gifts are also a way to support the family and let them know you care. Ideas include gift baskets of food, memorial gifts, and gift cards for meal delivery services.

Check Back In

In the days, weeks, and months following a funeral, the grieving often feel alone and isolated. People slowly stop calling, bringing meals, etc. It is a nice idea to check back in after some time has passed. Perhaps a month after the service, a phone call, handwritten card, or visit can be a nice way to show support and care.

Following these guidelines for funeral etiquette will help you to honor the deceased and show respect to the mourning. At Found and Sons Funeral Chapels Cremation Service, we want to support you during this difficult time. Please reach out if you

5 Ways To Help A Loved One Struggling With Loss

Losing a loved one changes your life forever. When someone you love has recently suffered a loss, you may not know how to offer comfort. This article highlights five ways to help a loved one struggling with loss.

1. Listen, don’t relate.

Sometimes the best thing you can offer someone struggling with loss is your ear. You should assure the person that you will listen if they ever want to talk. Do not force them or nudge them to talk. Instead, just assure them that you will listen.

When listening to them, do not try to relate to their experience. It is important to remember that everyone does not process loss in the same manner. So, when you listen, be impartial, empathetic, and kind.

2. Respect the person’s process.

There isn’t any right or wrong way to process grief. Some people grieve by remembering the good times they have spent with their loved ones. Others grieve by making gestures or openly talking. Throughout this, it is important to support and respect them.

Do not tell them they “should grieve” by doing something, such as visiting their grave, going to therapy, or any other method. Instead, respect them to understand what they want and give help every time they ask.

3. Do not pepper them with questions.

When you ask, “how are you?” they won’t always say, “I am not fine.” Instead, ask, “how are you feeling today” or “how are you feeling right now”? Accept their response, and do not pressure them to elaborate if they do not wish to.

Sometimes, your loved one may give the same answer to every question, or they may deflect it. If this happens, do not get upset. Instead, listen patiently and compassionately.

4. Give space and stay connected.

Sometimes your loved one may want to spend some time alone to process their feelings or memories. Adapting to normal life after suffering a loss is difficult. Therefore, allow them this space but stay connected.

Find a way to communicate that helps you keep in touch but gives them their space. For example, some people may find comfort in a simple text message, while others would want you to drop in. Find a method of communication that they are most comfortable with.

5. Offer assistance.

Sometimes when a loved one struggles with loss, everyday chores can become difficult. Instead of waiting for them to ask for help, ask them whether you can do any chores for them.

Planning a funeral can be a difficult task to manage when grieving. Offer your assistance in planning the funeral. If they refuse, offer assistance doing other household chores so that they can focus on making funeral arrangements. For example, you can offer to take care of their pets, do laundry, or grocery shopping. Simple chores like these can feel overwhelming.

If you want to know more ways you can help your loved one struggling with a loss, contact our experts at Found and Sons. Our expertise and insights can help you support your loved one through a difficult time.

How To Write A Good Eulogy

Summarizing someone’s life in a short speech is an awesome responsibility, especially in the midst of dealing with your own grief. Having a plan of action when preparing a eulogy can ease anxiety, and help the writer clearly communicate a meaningful message that honors the memory of their loved one. Following these steps can help guide you through how to write a good eulogy.

Research and gather information

Gather biographical details such as where the person was born, where they grew up, nicknames, and family members.
Interview close friends and family members of the deceased to learn more about their lives. You’ll want to include significant life events and accomplishments, favorite stories, unique hobbies/interests, and personality traits. These details will help paint a picture of who the person was, and what made them special.
Write down your own memories of the deceased. Adding your own memories and stories will help make your eulogy more personal and meaningful.

Organize your information

Combine all the information you have collected into one list, and go through and decide what you would like to include.
Write a general outline of what you want to share, and organize it into sections. You may want to share biographical details first, followed by stories, memories, and unique qualities of the individual, followed by closing remarks. Be sure to show gratitude in your closing. Share your gratitude for the person you are eulogizing and thank those in attendance for being there to celebrate their life.

Speak from the Heart

As you write your eulogy, be genuine and speak from the heart. The best eulogies are personal, not formal. Write in your own style, in your own words. Remember that this is a celebration of the person’s life, not just a biographical speech. As you write, reflect on what the person meant to you, and that will convey in your eulogy.

Get Feedback

It can be helpful to get feedback from others after writing your eulogy. Reading it aloud to someone will help you gauge the appropriateness of the length, and whether it flows well. After reading it aloud, you can go back and edit it until it feels right to you.

Other Tips

Use humor. It is ok to be light and use humor in a eulogy, as long as you remain respectful, and keep your audience in mind.
Consider using a theme to weave your content together. Theme examples could be the impact the deceased had on the lives of others, lessons you learned from them, overcoming challenges, or specific values they held dear.
Don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself. There is no right or wrong way to write a eulogy, and every eulogy is unique. Your main goal is to honor the deceased by sharing details and stories from their lives, and what they meant to the people around them.
Writing a eulogy can bring up many emotions and feelings. It is important to pace yourself as you write, and take breaks as needed.

Writing a eulogy can actually be a cathartic experience, as it can actually help you process your grief. Following these steps and tips can help you to get organized, take things a step at a time, and write a good eulogy that honors your loved one, and comforts those grieving with you.

In all of this, seeking the support you need is an important priority. Found & Sons has resources for grief and healing to help you cope during this difficult time.