Q & A Archives • Blog | Found and Sons Funeral Chapels & Cremation Service

How To Write A Memorable Obituary

An obituary is a touching way to announce the death of a loved one and celebrate their life’s accomplishments. However, many family members find it difficult to write an obituary, especially if grief is creating writer’s block. Here are some tips that can help make the process smooth and ensure that your loved one’s memory is celebrated.

Set the Tone

There are many things to do when a loved one passes away and it is easy to feel overwhelmed. Pre-planning the funeral details can help alleviate some of the stress associated with loss. Grief support resources can help family members understand and process emotions.

Before you sit down to write the obituary, take time to set the tone. Do your best to remove any distractions, light your favorite candle if you’d like, and spend some time in meditation or prayer before you begin. This can help create space for meaningful reflection rather than checking off an item on the to-do list. Typing the obituary helps prevent any mistakes during posting, but many people choose to write the first draft by hand.

Start With the Basics

An obituary typically starts by listing the basic information about the deceased, such as when they were born, the date they passed, and any other relevant biographical information (Where did they live? Where did they go to school? What was their career like?).

Include a list of surviving family members, as well as any notable predeceased family members. You don’t need to include the entire family tree, but these people should be listed by name:

Parents
Their spouse/partner
Any children or step-children—along with their spouse/partner’s names in brackets, if applicable
Siblings, including half- and step-siblings
Grandchildren and great-grandchildren
Surviving in-laws, if relevant

If you’d like to highlight any additional family members, you can group them together by relationship—such as “five nieces, and two nephews.” People with very large families may choose to do this for grandchildren and great-grandchildren as well.

You may also want to include any notable information, such as the date of the service, a memorial donation fund, or anything else you’d like the public to know.

Add Some of Their Personality

Personality quirks are often what make your loved one who they are, so don’t be afraid to showcase that in their obituary. Make it personal by sharing their passions and hobbies. Don’t just focus on what they did in their life, talk about what their life was like, too. Be mindful of the length, however—many newspaper publications charge by the word. You may want to have a formal announcement for the paper and a more personal obituary for the funeral service.

Don’t Forget to Proofread

As with any important writing, don’t forget to proofread! Have someone else look it over, or run it through an online spelling and grammar program such as Grammarly.

At Found and Sons Funeral Chapel and Cremation Services, our goal is to help you navigate the end of your loved one’s life. We strive to make it a time of reflection, appreciation, and celebration, so that we may help you honor and preserve your loved one’s memory. Visit our website to learn more about our services or call (800) 207-3530 today.

“Mommy, when is Grandma coming back?”— Explaining Death to Children

“Mommy, when is Grandma coming back?”— Explaining Death to Children

Knowing what to say to children when a loved one dies can be a challenge. Many Culpeper and Fredericksburg families have approached our team at Found and Sons over the years wondering about the “best” ways to handle such a complex and emotional topic. In our work helping families plan funerals or memorial services, we’ve observed that children react to death differently, often depending on their ages.

While most realize something sad and difficult is going on, some children haven’t developed the coping skills for unpleasant events and may react in physical ways. This might include headaches, upset stomachs, or unusual aches and pains. In some cases, children will regress by thumb-sucking, bed-wetting, or having angry and aggressive tantrums. They may also avoid the issue entirely by pretending the person who died has simply gone shopping or on vacation. All of these behaviors are entirely normal.

Above all, children need sensitivity, patience, and support as they process the loss. Consider these tips when it comes to how you react to children during a time of grief:

DO:

Do be honest but keep it simple when explaining death to children. For example, “Grandma’s body stopped working.”
Do share your faith, but in a way your children can understand. If they need more details, they will ask questions. It’s perfectly acceptable to admit that you don’t always have the answers.
Do help them find ways to express their grief and frustration, such as drawing, music, exercise, or other forms of play.
Do include them in the funeral rituals or memorial services you plan.
Do express your grief in front of your child. Tears and sadness are normal and appropriate reactions to death.

DON’T:

Don’t try to hide the death from them.
Don’t change your daily routine. As much as possible, keep to a consistent schedule including school and social events.
Don’t use euphemisms and clichés to describe the situation. Phrases like “passed away,” “went to sleep,” or “moved on” can be confusing to children.
Don’t be afraid or nervous to talk about your loved one. Research shows that sharing stories and memories helps with healing and closure.
Don’t expect children to move through grief Losing a loved one is difficult, regardless of your age.

At Found and Sons, we see it as part of our mission to help the grieving move toward healing, which is why we provide a number of aftercare resources for our families. You can even subscribe to receive our daily email message that provides a dose of encouragement and inspiration. It doesn’t matter what time of day, or what day of the week you need support, we’re here for you. Don’t hesitate to reach out to us today.

My Loved One Said, “No Funeral.” What Should I Do?

My Loved One Said, “No Funeral.” What Should I Do?

This is an issue we hear about time and time again at Found and Sons Funeral Chapels & Cremation Service: What should I do when my loved one made it clear he or she does not want a funeral or memorial service? Your loved one may be thinking this will help the family by saving them time and money. But what some people here in Culpeper and Spotsylvania Counties don’t realize is how much healing takes place with a meaningful tribute. Plus, when a funeral is preplanned, and maybe even pre-paid, there is so much pressure taken off the family during an already difficult time.

If your loved one has “No funeral,” or even solidified his or her wishes for no service by preplanning, what options do you have?

Some might say you should honor the loved one’s wishes. Others might suggest hosting a small, private get-together, where close friends and family members can pay their respects. Then there are those who would say funerals are for the living, and they will decide how to proceed.

As you can see, this can be an incredibly complex issue, and it’s one more and more Culpeper and Fredericksburg families have dealt with in recent years. While there is no cut-and-dried solution, our professional team has a few suggestions for those of you who find yourselves struggling when a loved one makes this request.

We’ve been assisting Culpeper and Fredericksburg families with funerals for decades, and we know the pivotal and highly meaningful role a service plays in the grieving process. A ceremony marks every transition in life: weddings, baptisms, graduations, and funerals. Gathering together to recognize the importance of the life that has been lived is essential after a loss. However, the tribute you plan does not have to reflect a “traditional” funeral.

We offer alternatives such as celebrant services instead of religious services, visitations with or without viewing, unique ceremonies to honor the person who has died, and receptions that feel more like a party than a funeral. We try to be creative in helping families make funeral arrangements, so the decisions truly reflect their personal preferences and the life that has been lived.

At Found and Sons, we believe every life has meaning, and we will work with you to design the tribute your family needs to bring healing. Reach out to us, and we will help you figure out your next step during this difficult time.

Responding to a Friend Who is Grieving

Responding to a Friend Who is Grieving

We’ve all been touched by loss. Even if you haven’t lost someone very close to you, you probably love someone who has. So what happens when a friend is in the grips of grief? It can be hard to know what to do, especially if death isn’t something you’ve experienced on a very personal level. Here are some tips the team at Found and Sons can offer our neighbors in Culpeper and Fredericksburg who have a friend reeling from grief:

1.) Be present.

You might think your friend wants to be alone right after a loss, and they might. But they also might need you, and are afraid to ask for help. Be with them and listen to their pain. Be sure to attend the funeral. The family has taken tremendous time to plan a meaningful tribute, and we have seen time and again how much it means when you show your support by attending.

2.) Be honest.

Don’t offer meaningless platitudes that might not be true. Instead, share your feelings with them in an open and transparent way, and encourage them to do the same. And don’t be afraid to bring up their loved one. It will help them to know how much they meant to you too.

3.) Be specific.

Your friend is under a lot of strain. In the midst of their pain, they’re having to deal with some very practical details like making funeral arrangements – especially if their loved one didn’t leave a will or plan ahead. When you offer them help, be specific in the assistance you offer.

For example, you could say, “I am going to bring you dinner one day this week. What day works best for you?”

5.) Be thoughtful.

Your friend’s grief isn’t going to just disappear after a short time. Think of them in the months to come and especially during the holidays. You might offer to visit their loved one’s grave with them on the six-month anniversary of their passing or send them a note on their family member’s birthday.

Most of all, it’s important your friend knows you’re there for them…always. And be sure to let them know there are resources available to them, including some here at Found & Sons Funeral Chapels and Cremation Service. We see it as part of our mission to help the grieving move towards healing, which is why we provide a number of aftercare resources for our families.

Has a friend ever been there for you during a hard time that made a difference? Share your story with us in the comments below.

The First 5 Things You Should Do When a Loved One Dies

The First 5 Things You Should Do When a Loved One Dies

If someone you love has just passed away, your head is probably spinning. Your life will never be the same, but there are some very practical things you need to handle. Here are the top five things you need to do after losing someone close to you.

1.) Report the death.

If your loved one passes away in a doctor’s office, nursing home, hospital, or in hospice care, a doctor will be able to do this for you. If they die at home here in Culpeper or Fredericksburg, you will need to call 911. While state laws vary, in Virginia, a paramedic cannot pronounce a death, so they will need to transport your friend or family member to a hospital.

2.) Make Found and Sons Funeral Chapels & Cremation Service your next call.

We will help you complete the certificate of death and arrange for the transportation of your loved one here to the funeral home. If your friend or family member passed away while traveling, we will bring them home in a professional manner for the lowest possible cost.

There are a number of other decisions you will need to make at this moment. Our caring, experienced staff will walk you through all of your options and determine the kind of service and final disposition that most closely matches your loved one’s wishes.

3.) Notify others.

Take care to tell the people in your inner circle first. It is best practice to refrain from sharing any news on social media until you are sure all family and close friends have been notified. Be sure to call your loved one’s employer and make arrangements immediately for the care of any children or pets left behind.

You may want to enlist the help of other family members and friends to help with notifications, especially if you are the primary person responsible for making the funeral arrangements.

4.) Plan the funeral.

There are a number of considerations for you to make when planning a funeral. Unless your loved one chose to preplan, you’ll need to decide between traditional burial and cremation, as well as their final disposition, and all the other details related to their service.

At Found and Sons, we will work closely with you to design a service that will capture your friend or family member’s personality and bring you healing. Think about the ways you want to infuse the service or visitation with your loved one’s personality. Fortunately, our staff is not only experienced with managing all of these details, they also know firsthand what a difficult process this is for you. Their care and concern will help making these decisions as easy as they can be.

5.) Begin down a road towards healing.

Grief is a long journey, and for some, it never ends. In the midst of managing the practical details that must be attended to after a loved one’s passing, don’t neglect to take the time you need to practice self-care. As much as possible, try to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep at night. Drink plenty of water, eat healthy foods, and try to fit in a bit of exercise each day – even if it’s simply taking a walk around the block. Spend time with people who lovingly support you, and don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

Above all, know that when you plan with Found and Sons, you are never alone. We are always here to connect you with resources that will help you in your grief. And our commitment to help you and your family continues long after the funeral service is over.

Do you have any tips or advice to share with others about what to do after a loss? If so, please offer them in the comment section below