An Interview with Funeral Director, Tonya Backe


How long have you been a funeral director? What were you before you became a funeral director? 

I’ve been a licensed funeral director for two years. Prior to becoming a funeral director, I worked in a local medical office for 28 years.

What led you to this profession? 

I was led to the funeral industry through friends that are directors. I was looking for a second career and thought the funeral industry would suit me as I enjoy serving others.

What is the most rewarding part of doing what you do?

The most rewarding part of being a funeral director is when families express their gratitude for all that you’ve done to help pay tribute to their loved one.

What does a typical work day look like for you?

I don’t think there is a “typical” work day for a director. Our industry is so unpredictable. A work day could consist of meeting with families to make funeral arrangements for a death that has occurred, or meeting with families to make pre arrangements for funeral services, perform embalming, preparing for visitations/viewings, etc.

What is one misconception that you think people have about funeral directors?

A typical misconception people have about funeral directors is that directors are mostly introverts that are odd, creepy, and uncaring.

If there is one thing that you could inform people about in regard to this industry, what would it be?

That pre-need arrangements are transferable. If you have made pre-arrangements with a funeral home and decide you would prefer another funeral home to serve you, they can be transferred.

What advice would you give someone who is considering becoming a funeral director?

My advice to someone considering becoming a director would be that this profession can be a very demanding profession with long hours and even sleepless nights, but if your desire is to truly help serve others, this has to be one of the most rewarding careers you could choose.

What advice would you give someone who is considering becoming a funeral director?

The funeral industry is not 9-5; it is 24/7. When you serve a family, it doesn’t begin at 9:00 AM and end at 5:00 PM. It is when they need you. Keeping a good balance of work life and personal life takes a bit of planning. I have to be certain to schedule time off to rejuvenate. That is the key for me to maintain a healthy balance of work and personal life.

What do you enjoy most about working and living and working in the Culpeper area? What are some things that you enjoy doing in the area?

What I enjoy most about working the Culpeper area is that our community is still quaint and although we are ever-growing, we are maintaining a bedroom community. You can still walk down the street and know someone that passes you, be it on the sidewalk or driving on the street. I enjoy the shops on Davis Street and the rich history our county holds.

Who is one person that inspires you? What is one quote that inspires you?

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are” – Theodore Roosevelt

My biggest inspiration are my children. They inspire me to be the best person I can be. 

An Interview with Funeral Director, Julie Found

What is your connection to Found and Sons? How long have you been a Funeral Director?

My family started Found and Sons shortly before I was born, so I’ve been around the business my entire life. I have been a licensed funeral director since 2015. 

Do you have any early memories of growing up around a funeral home? Any funny stories?

Our first funeral home in Culpeper was in an old manor and we lived on the top floor. As my mother’s favorite story goes, it was one quiet afternoon. My mom and I were in our apartment above the funeral home and Mom had to answer the phone. When she’s done with the call, she turns to look for me, and I had disappeared. I was under 2 years old at the time and my young mother started to panic a little bit. I had somehow gotten out of the apartment, went downstairs to the funeral home, and my mom found me taking a nap in a casket. We played hide and seek a lot in the funeral home, so I guess I was comfortable enough to walk in and take a nap. My mom still loves to tell people that story and it always starts: “I knew Julie was going to be a funeral director when….” 

What led you to becoming a funeral director?

Growing up with two funeral director parents, I couldn’t understand why they would want to do this line of work. They actually discouraged me from getting into it because it really is a dedication more than a job. I didn’t really consider it until college. I had spent a few years working part-time for my dad, and I realized I liked to help families. So my sophomore year of college, I switched my major to business and started on this path. My dad wouldn’t let me do my apprenticeship at our business, so I worked for a much larger family-owned firm in Richmond and really learned a lot. I also realized there that I could handle all aspects of the business and I really loved it. 

What does a typical work day look like for you?

No two days in this business are exactly alike, because everything is so unpredictable. Typically, when I get into the office, I check my email and other messages, see what needs to happen for the day. Next, I’ll start making my phone calls. Sometimes that means calling a preacher for a service, sometimes touching base with a family who has lost a loved, or following up on things from the day before. Later in the morning, we usually have our first appointment, so I will sit with a family and make arrangements for services, which can take anywhere from an hour to two hours. When I am finished with the family, I have to do all the tasks associated with that family. Sometimes that means embalming their loved one, sometimes it means calling and ordering our flowers, casket/urn, etc. The last thing we typically do is go over the plan for the next day.

What is the most rewarding part of doing what you do?

When we exceed families’ expectations. For most people, coming in to make funeral arrangements or seeing their loved one is the worst day of the their lives. If I can make that time a little more comforting or peaceful, I feel like I’ve done my job. The best part is when a family says “I thought this was going to be horrible, and you made it wonderful”. That really touches my heart and 

What is one misconception that you think people may have about funeral directors?

People seem to think that funeral directors are like you see on TV – morbid, dark, kind of scary, but I don’t think we are like that at all. Funeral directors come in all different forms, just like any other job. We are actually quite compassionate, caring and dedicated people. 

If there is one thing that you could inform people about in this field, what would it be?

How rewarding it really is to be a funeral director. Most days I feel like I’ve made a person’s awful day a little better, and that feels very good. 

Typically, Funeral Directors have been a male dominated field, what’s it like being a female in the industry?

Even though it is 2019 and we have females in every workforce imaginable, it is still a little difficult to be a funeral director in this field. Especially being young, I will sometimes be looked as the assistant or the secretary, not the funeral director. Many times, people will ask one of the gentleman assisting me a question, and they will have to answer “I’m sorry, I do not know, you’ll have to ask that young lady there – she’s the director.” It’s not anyone’s fault by any means, it’s just what people are used to. 

How does being a funeral director play into your life compared to having a “normal” job? How do you manage to keep a good balance of work life and personal life?

The work life/personal life of a funeral director can get complicated. We can get wrapped up in the families we are serving so much that we can neglect our own families. As long as you have a strong family support system that understands and cares about what you are doing, everything will turn out just fine. 

What do you enjoy most about working and living in the Fredericksburg area? What are some things that you enjoy doing in the area?

I love downtown Fredericksburg. The restaurants, coffee shops and little stores are fun to visit and I can’t wait to be able to move down there and walk everywhere. I also love how close we are to Lake Anna. I enjoy water sports and boating, so that is always a fun, quick getaway. Fredericksburg is also the perfect spot between two bigger cities so if you want to go to a concert, catch a flight, or see a professional sports game – it’s all still very close.